The other night I was taking the trash out and noticed an extremely large spider on the front porch. I don't like spiders. At all. I know that most of them aren't harmful and that, yes, in fact, most are helpful, but I still don't care. If you do care, you should stop reading now.
I walked past and put the trash in the bin and came back to the porch to assess the situation. This spider was big. And kind of bulbous. (We finished up Charlotte's Web a few weeks ago, so maybe I should have had a clue, but I didn't.) Our storm door hangs kind of funny (read: crooked), so there was plenty of room for this thing to crawl into the house. Something had to be done.
If I used a shoe, there were two problems: 1) I would have to get fairly close, and 2) it would make a big mess. I decided to take the humane approach and try to scare it off with a stick. I grabbed a little stick Jack had left on the porch and tried to roll it at the spider to encourage it to go elsewhere. Big mistake.
As the stick collided with the spider, there was suddenly this black cloud spreading over the porch all around the spider. Eleventy bajillion little baby spiders. I had hit the mother lode. Literally.
I started screaming, which made Jay come out and tell me to calm down. He had not just witnessed this freak happening on our very own porch. I ran in and grabbed a bottle of 409 (PSA: 409 is not an effective weapon against spiders) and sprayed the ever expanding cloud. Nothing. At least my porch had been sanitized, I guess. In the end, the big spider ran off and I ended up smashing all of the little ones with my sandal. I just couldn't take the risk that they would end up in bed with me.
Now you know my secret: Nature is all good to look at and enjoy, but the circle of life ends on my doorstep.
And since you had to sit through that story, here is the other request fulfilled: A picture of the boys at bedtime.
8 comments:
Loved it! RWBGMA
Oh my goodness all I can say it is about time this happened to someone other than me! Everytime I tell my encounters of the wolf spiders with babies on their back people look at me like I am insane!! Go to my blog and click on the keyword "spiders" b/c they are funny and this has happened to me like 3 maybe 4 times.........ugh!
Thanks for the laugh! Hilarious story!!
Nice use of the word bulbous.
And my favorite quote (considering the squirrel, the yellow jackets, and the mouse) is "The circle of life ends at my doorstep."
Well said!
Heather W
You are too funny!! Thanks to whoever (or is it whomever) told you to put that on your blog!!
~ Denise
Oh I hate spiders. YUCK! I'll have to post my spider story sometime. I just don't like them.
Love your story Jen, so funny - spiders totally freak me out, I probably would have just passed out when all the baby ones started crawling around.
That is the best story I have heard in a long time! Glad it was you and not me!! :)
That is hilarious!
I also killed a "bulbous" spider in our kitchen one day and babies scattered everywhere - very gross and kinda sad too. But my spider rule is if they come in the house they're trespassing, and I feel justified! :)
Thanks for the laugh and for stopping by my blog!
Blessings,
Shannon
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